im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
