dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
