I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
