I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
