Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Randomize
