I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
