He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
