is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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