It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
