i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
