my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You ate ashes out of my bong
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
