and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
