...so i touched it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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