I think my fart just growled at me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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