I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
