We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
