Only a mothe r could love this liver
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
