Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
