Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
