You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
