I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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