I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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