a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
