32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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