I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
