Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
