I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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