am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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