my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
