i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
