we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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