my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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