i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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