i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize