take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
