No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
