omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
