I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
a search helicopter?!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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