her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize