Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
