You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
