Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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