ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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