Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
