Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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