That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
