You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
