he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
