OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
