Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Enjoy the penises
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
