bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize