i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
