apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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