Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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