I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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