My balls are so social today.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
