one might say we're banned from that church
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
