Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can I color on your dick again?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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