SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
