I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize