Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
