In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
