2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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