You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
