So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
