I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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