it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
