Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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