I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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